Wednesday, January 10, 2007

New Year Sex Resolutions

One of the most fun New Year's resolutions I ever heard was from a girlfriend some years back.

Asked what she had resolved to change for the new year, she replied firmly "Have more orgasms!"

I was full of admiration. She boldly stated it in front of friends and, to his chagrin, her husband. She did, after all, add "for me" at the end of her statement.

To his credit, he amiably agreed to help her fulfil and keep her resolution.

I didn't check up with her for a long time after that to see how it all was going but they're still married and they looked blissfully happy in the last photo I received, so perhaps it happened.

Whether or not couples agree (and I hope they do!) sex is a wonderful and joyful part of any relationship and an important glue for holding a marriage together.

But loving intimacy can get pushed far down the scale of priorities in frantically busy and demanding days and whereas some men can manage to get along with the occasional speedy physical release it's not what most women want -- or long for.

A lot of people, men and women, don't believe this, but women want sex as much as men. The difference is in the style and approach.

While there are plenty of great guys who feel the same way, women often feel they're missing loving, caring, skillful, relaxed time spent sexually connecting with a partner they love and desire. And, no, this doesn't necessarily mean taking a lover in order to get this.

FAKING IT

Above all, women want satisfaction.

In other words, orgasms are good and women shouldn't accept being denied them.

But if a woman isn't getting them, it's partly her fault. Takes two, after all. She should say so and then direct the action to make it happen. Honesty is also one of the very important factors in making a relationship work.

Faking it, (which according to numerous sex surveys happens all too frequently), only ensures the status quo is maintained and drives an unseen wedge of resentment between couples.

Men, in turn, have to make more effort to learn exactly what it is that excites and pleases their partner. I can assure you, a lot of women love being sexually explored.

But the key here is something that is so often overlooked and discarded. Something that when neglected becomes lost forever.

Communication.

So how about this for another New Year's resolution: Resolve to communicate more with your partner. Talk, talk, talk together, tell each other (kindly) what you like or dislike, what you expect and dream about, what you resent or appreciate. Make sure you have quality time together in order to do this and, above all, share your lives.

SPECIAL SOMEONE

Not just sexually but every day. A shared life with love in it is tough to divide.

But what about singles?

Not everyone is in a relationship. Single are all ages nowadays and many of them are on the hunt for that special someone. And, despite what married folk think, not all of them are having endless hot sex. Chance would be a fine thing.

But for most singles, the New Year's vow is often to make more effort to find a partner. Conversely, they may decide to give up the difficult and sometimes depressing search to focus on other life goals.

This is hard to do, especially for many women, who can feel a life without love and cherishing in a close partnership is empty and unfulfilling despite other successes.

But I'm a single and, yes, my resolution for 2007 is to try harder to find a relationship.

Note I said relationship -- not date or one-night stand despite their obvious instant pleasures. In the world of singles, that's an important point and, let me tell you, narrows the field considerably.

Yes, more orgasms are great but take it from one who knows, nothing beats a really good relationship in which they're included.

Source: http://lfpress.ca/newsstand/Business/BusinessMonday/2007/01/08/3234987.html

2 comments:

W.P. Martin said...

I agree with you. But the partner can't put pressure on the other to have an orgasm. A lot of times, when women especially feel that pressure they can't have an orgasm because they are thinking about it too much. You have to know what will get you there and what you like, but just let it happen, too. Be in the moment.

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